Final Thoughts From The Mommy

I finally got this song somewhat recorded. For all those who have been bugging me to do this, thanks for pushing me to just get it done. I hope this song moves us all to die to ourselves and live for Jesus.

This is a song I wrote in 2004 after coming back into wealthy suburban America after living in a poor and marginalized community of inner city Newark NJ. This is my confession as well as our country’s as we look at the ridiculous addiction to self we all display. I am always perplexed at how selfish we truly are with all of our resources; our time, our talents and of course our treasures.
Jesus said in Luke 9:23 that we lose out on true life when we seek to gain the fake treasures of this world. All these things that will ultimately break and disappoint that eternal longing we all have for significance. But when through faith we are willing to die to all the vain things that seek to charm us and are willing to actually lose them, then we gain real treasure and can experience an existence that matters: an eternal significance and purpose for God’s glory and the joy of others.
If you look at the life, death and resurrection of Jesus you see what real life is. He chose to give up everything, even His own life, so that we could be redeemed and made right with God. He was willing to be poor so we could be rich and He found the greatest joy in living a selfless life… He did this because He is love and He loves us and wants to see see the hell in our lives disappear. I believe His love is doing that to me. I want to be more like Him… To the extent we believe this Good News we get to see our lives transformed in real time and space. Our lives become beacons of hope to a hurting and addicted world searching for purpose…. “I have been crucified with Christ never the less I live. But the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.” Galatians 2:20

It’s 3:08 am as I write this…  I can’t sleep…  I woke up at about 2:00 am or so, my heart so burdened, the weight of  leaving Newark becoming heavier and heavier on my heart as our departure draws closer.  I find myself asking God why? “Why are you leading us away from this place where we have spent the last seven years of our lives pouring into the kids of this community, building a youth center, changing a neighborhood….?”  Each one of these kids has become like our own children, each one so important to us.  Flesh of our flesh, fellow human beings, made in the image of God.

Some of these kids have been raped… violated by adults and others who where supposed to care for them… Many of these kids are fatherless, abandoned by an earthly father of selfishness…. All of these kids are poor…  Maybe not compared to the kids in Haiti, but compared to the way I grew up and the standard of our country, poor… All of these kids need Jesus. I think of their lives and imagine them in 20 years.  Are we abandoning them…  Am I turning away?  Is leaving them to further my education so I can church plant and duplicate better what has been done here the right choice?  I keep asking myself that question. I keep checking my motives…   This is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Yesterday a kid hugged me and said he wasn’t going to let me leave… I wept…  I don’t want to leave, how can I leave…?  But God keeps reminding me to trust Him, and trust His people to step up and continue to serve the poor, broken and marginalized kids of Newark while we are gone.

Looking into the eyes of my youngest daughter Katy-Grace in the picture above, I can’t imagine going away from her.  I mean look at her.  She’s beautiful.  (Not to be proud or anything)  I see her mother’s feature and I love her and would never want to leave her… As I look at all these pictures of these precious kids below attending our summer camp my heart aches in a similar way.  I see their Father’s Features…Yes, they are not my very own, my DNA does not run through their blood, but God’s does…  They are His children and He will never leave them.  This ministry belongs to God and even though I leave, God will not.  He will still work in this place. “Greater things have yet to come in this city…”

These kids are our flesh and blood…. they belong to all of us.  They are made in the image of God and precious to their Father in heaven. They are the least of these in our country, the marginalized and forgotten…  They are inner city kids of Newark NJ… As of right now, 39 of these precious kids still need to get sponsored for summer camp.  Our summer camp starts in 8 days and as usual we have no idea how we are going to fund it.  God has supplied an amazing team of people who are stepping up to pour their hearts into these kids, but it seems He has not raised up the people to fund it. yet….

So now I ask the people of God, on behalf of my children here in Newark… your children here in Newark…  ”Will you turn from your own flesh and blood?”  You may not know these kids personally, but I do, and I plead on their behalf.  I ask for your help.  I am asking the Church of Jesus Christ, and everyone I know for that matter to come along side us and redeem Newark by redeeming the next generation… Join us in this mission to make right what has been broken by the sin and the selfishness of the human condition.  As Isaiah says later in the 58th chapter: “Spend Yourself on the hungry.”  This is an invitation to join God in the amazing redemption work He is going to do this summer.  The amazing work He already has done when He spent Himself by coming to our broken planet in the person of Jesus Christ to lay down His life on the cross for our sin.

There are so many ways to help.  Right now our biggest need is $15,000 to run this summer camp for the 45 kids and 12 teen staff God has brought us.  Can we raise that in 8 days?  I believe God can.  That seems like a lot, but it really isn’t if you think about it.

If half the people reading this were willing to sacrificed a pizza, or a trip to the movies, or a few trips to Starbucks than all these kids would have a 6 week long summer camp experience permeated with the love of Christ developing them for God’s Glory and the redemption and joy of their community.

We have made it as easy as ever to sponsor kids or even form an online team that can raise funds for them if you can’t personally give.  I stayed up many a night building this website so I could leave an effective tool to help people help kids in Newark.

Please go to our summer camp website and help… in any way you can.

For the King and the Kingdom,

Danny Iverson

“Count it a blessing that you’re such a failure… Your second chance might never have come…” – David Bazzan (Pedro the Lion)

If I wasn’t such a failure at almost everything I do,  than I wouldn’t get the chance to witness and appreciate the miracles of Jesus.  Our failures and lack of faith open up authentic opportunities for us to see the glory of the Lord shine even through our darkest nights… Jesus’s supposed “failure”  when he was crucified painted the black background that makes the resurrection masterpieces all the more gloriously beautiful.  At the cross, our darkest sins and most hideous failures as humans are mixed together to form the blackest background imaginable.  The painting looks grim, the canvas stained by utter darkness, the viewer can not help but get the sense of hopelessness.  Three days later we see our God paint a masterpiece over such a background.  The colors of redemption shine forth as the resurrection mural comes to life on the canvas.  From the blank expressionless darkness erupts a glorious masterpiece with every stroke. God laughs as He paints over our sin, as the very thing that once damned us becomes the backdrop that makes his pardoning grace so real and magnificent.  What a story!  The cross and the resurrection is God’s best work, since He himself is personally involved.  His paint is His own blood, covering our sin forever… At the cross God “fails.”  In the resurrection, He conquers sin and death forever and His glory is displayed to every generation and on the canvas of every Christian’s life.   For each of us who have believed this message and trust in the redemptive work of Christ, we are now God’s workmanship and his artwork, a beautiful display of His splendor for His Glory .

As my heart hears and believes such a message I cannot help but have hope.  This is good news for a sinner such as me.  It means that I don’t have to be the one to try and make a beautiful and worthwhile picture of my life… because I know I can’t.  All I really do is taint the background with my darkness, giving our redemptive God the chance to paint on the canvas of my life the very image of the risen Christ.  Maybe that is what repentance really is… recognizing our role as the dark background that makes the beautiful face of our savior stand out all the more. Maybe that is what faith is… believing that God through the work of Christ is indeed painting a beautiful picture over the mess we create.

This continues to baffle’s me.  In my weakness, that is when Jesus is the strongest. To the extent I realize that my sin and weakness covering the canvas of my life is merely the background for the redeemer to paint a masterpiece over, to that extent I am able to have hope even in the midst of failure. A  hope that everything is working for the good of those who love God and are called to His purpose. Everything… even my sin… even the cross…

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This fall Danny Starts classes at Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando, FL.  We plan on being there for three years and coming back to Newark to plant more churches.  We will still be working for Safe Haven…. read on to learn more about this new season in our lives.

What is going on? The Iversons are leaving Newark?

For a season…  Let me explain… A year and a half or so ago, at my sister’s wedding, my grandfather, dad, and uncles challenged us to start praying about going to seminary, leaving Safe Haven in good hands, and finishing my Master’s of Divinity.  It seemed a bit crazy at the time but as we prayed God gave us a vision of the future He has for us in Newark. It involves seeing what He has done at Trinity Church being duplicated around the city.  I started praying hard and looking into church planting movements and realized how little church planting was happening in Newark. I realized (and continue to realize) that I have a passion and gifting for starting things, whether businesses or ministries, and that God wants to use that for bringing forth His Kingdom here.  I see the wisdom of the many mentors in my life who are encouraging me to withdraw from this place that is so dear to us, become better equipped for long term strategic ministry, and return to Newark with a team, a plan, and a deeper passion to see the city redeemed.  July 16th we pack up and move, with great sorrow in leaving a community full of people we have come to deeply love,  but with great joy and expectation already in what is going to happen when we return in three years.

So Why Orlando? Trust me, it is not to see Mickey Mouse. Three main reasons helped us make this choice.

1. Reformed Theological Seminary (RTS) is considered one of the best seminaries in our country teaching scripture from the Reformed perspective. My father graduated from an RTS campus in Jackson, Mississippi, and my brother, Jon, graduated from the Orlando campus, where my brother-in-law and other friends are currently attending as well.  RTS gave us an awesome scholarship, has wonderful professors, some who are also family friends, and will challenge me academically like I have never been challenged before.
2. Family!  This is a huge reason for choosing Orlando.  My sister Sara-Beth, her husband, Eric, and their three beautiful girls are there.  They are hoping to do overseas missions after Eric finishes at RTS. This may be our last time to spend some time with them before we go our separate ways to do Kingdom work.  That is very important to us.
3. There will be many opportunities to recruit churches, students and businesses to be involved in Safe Haven.  As many of you know, I like to network, and I love spreading the passion God has given me for His glory displayed through the redemption happening in Newark. I love inviting people to participate with God and us in this mission, whether it be supporting us from afar, coming on a short term team, interning or becoming long term ministry partners. There are over 40,000 college students 3 miles from the seminary, lots of great churches, and I have hundreds of students at RTS to get to know and dream with about future ministry.  It seems like the best place to grow a team for the vision God has given us.

DJ (4), Katy-Grace (1), Trinity (2)

How will your family be supported?

Well, that is where the faith comes in for us.  I will continue to be the executive director for Safe Haven, but my focus will switch to more fundraising and networking as well as strategic planning and leadership development of the amazing staff God has raised up.  That being said, if you are currently financially supporting our ministry, we ask you to kindly continue. If you would like to join our support team please visit www.safehaven911.com.

Other News

NEW IVERSON BOY

Our 4th child is due Sept. 18th, our 6th year anniversary.   We usually like surprises, but since we were leaving and wanted our community to know what was cooking in the oven…we found out ahead of time.  We are naming him Benjamin Zion.  This has been the hardest pregnancy yet for us, (more for Kimberly) but God has been so faithful in getting us through.  People from our community and surrounding partner churches have really stepped up to bless us.  Last month Kimberly had a three week spell where she was on bed rest.  My sister Hannah (19) came up to nanny and help us.  It was a blessing.  Please continue to pray for us as we say our goodbyes, move to Orlando, and begin a very different type of life than what we are accustomed to.

Danny’s Book

Last November  I (Danny) started writing a book entitled “Spend Yourself.” It is primarily stories as well as some deep thoughts about how the Gospel is actualized in our lives as we radically seek to enter into, engage, and “spend ourselves” on redeeming the brokenness of this world. Most of it is coming from the perspective of serving the poor, broken and marginalized of this community, but there are many applications and challenges to all to live Christ-centered, Gospel powered, radical and faith-filled lives for God’s Glory and the joy of others.  I have a good chunk of the manuscript done and am hoping to begin submitting proposals to publishers this summer.  Please pray for focus as I finish it, and God’s leading and purpose for it as we seek to distribute it to encourage God’s people.

New Websites

Safe Haven has launched three new websites  to help people connect with the redemption happening in Newark.  Please check them out, sign up for the Safe Haven News Letter and join the missions network if you like.

Safe Haven Homepage: www.safenewark.org

Donation Page www.safehaven911.com

A missions blog/social network where I will be posting my blog. writings and resources for missions. www.spendyourself.org.

How will the ministry Transition?

By God’s Grace, of course, and with the amazing team he has raised up to carry on the work in the community…

Meet the Team.  Each of them have huge hearts for the people here in our community and are doing amazing work.

Please go to our website and visit our staff page to meet all the Safe Haven Staff

Final Thoughts…

As we prepare to transition out of Newark, we can not help but feel sorrow.  This has been our home for so long and we love our community more than we ever imagined possible…  Leaving is going to be hard.  We have many nights of weeping; praying and asking God if He is sure this is a good idea to leave this ministry into which we have poured ourselves.  He continues to lead and show us that this is the season for us to step away to prepare and become better equipped for the future ministry in Newark to which He is calling us.  We feel a strong burden to church plant in Newark after seminary and will be using this time away to effectively plan, raise up a team and become better trained in taking a city for the Glory of God and the joy of all people.  We thank you all for your prayers and support and we ask that you continue to step up and support this ministry, especially in this season of transition. We couldn’t have come this far without God leading each of you to partner with us in His mission to redeem Newark by redeeming the next generation.  Thank you and we love you.

For the King and the Kingdom,

The Iversons

Yes, it is true. Kimberly is pregnant again with number four.  And we just found out it is a boy.  Benjamin Zion Iverson is the name. I guess I can do something right…  We are due September 18th (our 6th year anniversary)  God is so faithful and I am amazed at the beauty of new life.  I never would have imagined that we would have four kids in six years but it looks like this is indeed happening.  I’ll never forgot our conversation in December of 2003, a month or so after we started courting…  I asked Kimberly what she thought about big families. She said she was all about it…  So I said. “What about ten kids?” (Cause I really want to beat my dad) And she gave me a beautiful smile and said: “If that’ is what God wants to give me.”  I knew I had a winner…

This was a really important question since I am the oldest of a family of nine and have a huge desire to have as many kids as possible.  My dad always told us that the best way to impact the world is through your kids.  I look at him and my mom, and the way they sacrificed and poured themselves into their kids as they raised us, and believe he is right.  I look at the fruit of their sacrifice and see God’s promises fulfilled. It is amazing how faithful God has been through all the struggles of being in a big family.  If I had to go back, I wouldn’t change a thing.  I do remember as a teenager getting angry at my dad for having so many kids.  It was usually around christmas time when I looked under the tree and saw a lot of presents but had to divide them by nine.  Even my math was good enough to calculate  how few were mine.  My friends always had more presents, more stuff and our family was always pinching pennies, just trying to survive and make it.  I would get so mad in those selfish moments and ask him why he had to have so many kids.  He always did the same thing: grabbed the youngest little booger running around and put him/her on his lap and asked me: “Can you imagine life without _______?  Is he/she worth it.”  I could never argue with that, because in my heart of hearts I always knew what really mattered…

Now as a 32 year old looking down the ranks of my brothers sisters I am so thankful for our family.  I am most thankful because I see God’s work through and in each of them. All nine of us love Jesus and love to serve others.  I am amazed at the way He continues to use my siblings all over the world…  I love the the fact that our covenant family get’s to be a part of the redemption story and it makes me so excited to continue to add to that by having kids.  Psalm 37:25-26 comes to mind.   ”I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread. He is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing.”

Not everyone may agree, but in my mind I think this is the best Kingdom strategy for bringing light and hope into our world: Have lots of kids, love them and raise them well in a Gospel saturated home, and send them out into the world to live, struggle and bring Glory to God, and have lots of kids.

I am seeing that  my main church I am called to be pastor of is my family, to love and shepherd them in grace and truth and lead them to Jesus.  Not in my perfection (cause they definitely see I am not perfect) but in my weakness.  You see, with all the other people in our community church their is a certain amount of superficiality.  They don’t live with me day in and day out and so I can put on my best face sunday mornings or when they see me doing ministry. They don’t have to see all the sins of my private life.  My family does.  My kids get to see a dad who gets lazy sometimes and doesn’t use his time well, or doesn’t serve their mother, or loses his temper, or complains and moans over the woes of inner city life and ministry.  They get to see my weaknesses.  It is in that, on that platform, in open transparent struggle with the sin in my own life, that I am able to lead my family to the throne of grace.  Not as a conquering hero, but rather as a humble sinner in need of saving, pointing them to Jesus who is the conquering hero that has and is  dealing with their daddy’s sin.  It is from such a platform I received the grace of God from my pastor, my father.  One of the things our family does every night (we have been doing it for 5 generations as far as I know) is have family devotions.  It’s nothing too complicated.  In our home we just spend about 15 minutes reading the Bible together, talk about our day, work on a few memory verses and maybe sing a song.  That’s how I grew up.  But here is what made it so special.  Good religious homes can do that out of their religious zeal and to try and feel better and holier than the family next door.  What I really appreciate about my dad is that our family devotions was NOT a time for us to realize how good, religious and morally outstanding our family was.  Rather, it was a time for us to realize how short we fall from even our own standards let alone God’s.  Often, my parents would confess their own faults and failures of the day to us.  It wasn’t rare for my father to ask us for forgiveness for ways he had overworked, or not loved us well, or lost his temper, or misspent our resources.  He didn’t try to show himself to us as a perfect person who had it all together, but rather demonstrated in love and humility how much he needed Jesus and that the whole point of us having family worship each night was for us to connect with our savior and be changed from this inside out by His truth and grace….  I am so thankful for that.  I want to be a dad like that.

Please pray for this pregnancy.  It has been our hardest one yet.   Kimberly and I still do believe having lots of kids is a great way to change Newark, but boy is it hard.  Kimberly is tired a lot and trying to homeschool the other three while being so tired has been a challenge for her.  She is tough and puts up with so much and we know God will give us strength. We are having an ultrasound next week so we will keep everyone updated on that.

H ere’s a video of Trinity doing a Bible verse at family devotions.

What a glorious day this was.  Anthony Metrocavage, one of our youth just made a music video of the service.  Next to my wedding, I would say this was one of the most spirit filled worship services I’ve ever been a part of. I really sensed the power of God as I baptized these kids.   Trinity Church recently decided to both splash and dunk and I think that was  good decision.  While Reformed Churches as a whole usually only splash, in the city most people think of baptism as dunking.  Our leadership figured it would be a good idea to let our people choose how they wanted to do it and to also use this as a chance to help show what really matters; that baptism is indeed an outward sign of an inner faith.  That the mode through which you are baptize isn’t what makes it work, but rather is merely a sign of the seal of the Holy Spirt and the power of Jesus to cleanse us and make us new.

God is good!  Oh how he loves us…

I am amazed at the everyday “Kingdom Preparation” that happens in our lives as we live and interact in this world. The Gospel is actualized in us through the mundane things of life, the everyday parables that only those with “eyes to see” can decode and learn from.  I think my eyes are starting to open… I pray they continue to.

One sunday after our worship celebration I ran into my friend John, a middle-aged man who has seizures quite frequently and needs his medication if he is going to hold a job or merely survive.  He told me his medication was out and that he had no money to get it. This is the story of many people in my community. I didn’t have any money and the pharmacy was closed anyway, so I told him to hit up Pastor Walter and if He couldn’t help him I would help him later in the week once I got a few bucks… Then we had a time of prayer (he prayed the sweetest prayer for me and my family and for Kimberly who was feeling really sick) and we parted ways.

Fast-forward to wednesday…  Pastor Walter and I were getting ready to leave for a prayer and planning retreat in the gorgeous Pocono mountains (something pastors are supposed to do… it’s in our job description). I was already running late.  Who should I run into but John, walking hand in hand with his fiance. My selfish heart immediately sunk because I knew he had a need. I knew I had promised to help him. I also knew I had the money on me to do it, but I really didn’t want to.  In my mind I started listing every excuse I could to convince myself that helping him in this moment would not be the right use of my precious time.  I tried my best to weasel out of loving my neighbor to the same extent I would want to be loved if I was in his shoes and he was in mine.  It didn’t work so well.

Fortunately, the Holy Spirit doesn’t let those excuses add up and they really didn’t. So I was a good obedient pastor (though my heart was still not in it yet) and pulled my car over. I told them to get in and said I would take him to the pharmacy to get the meds. I made sure to include that I was in a rush. He was so elated and promised it wouldn’t take long.

We went to the pharmacy across from our church building and sure enough, it took long…  I should have known. Nothing “doesn’t take long” in Newark (except getting mugged). My schedule was in shambles, and I stood there tapping my foot with a “you said it wouldn’t take long” look on my face as I texted my excuse to my missed appointment. In my mind I was thinking, “why am I helping this guy, it’s his own fault he can’t get his medication.  He needs to grow up and stop relying on other people for help. He needs to get his act together. How dare he lie to me and say it wouldn’t take long. Doesn’t he know I am an important person and have more important things to do.”

As I stood there frustrated I looked over at John and saw in his eyes the pain he was feeling at having to make his friend wait.  His hand was shaking and he was frantically looking over the counter; his own awkward way of trying to encourage the pharmacy person to hurry… He looked over at me sadly and said “sorry this is taking so long, but thanks so much for helping me.”

My heart melted, and I felt once again the power of the Gospel being preached to me by the least of these. Jesus was there and Jesus was teaching me something…  He was drawing me near to himself and was bringing my heart into true communion with Him. I just hadn’t seen it yet… I wasn’t going to get any closer to God up in the Poconos, praying and fasting, than I would right there in that pharmacy, pissed off and angry. I didn’t need to go up to the mountains and listen to more Tim Keller sermons about serving the poor, I needed to let Jesus preach to me through John, and truly learn how to love my neighbor by actually doing it.

I can’t help but laugh mockingly at the pointless anger and selfishness in my heart. I also laugh out of sheer joy for the redemptive work of Christ being actualized in my innermost in that moment.  Here I am, getting ready to leave on a retreat to draw near to God so that I can better serve the poor, broken and marginalized of my community and God throws a wrench in my plans by sending a poor needy person my way. What do I do? I get angry, frustrated and even bitter toward God and my neighbor.

Amazing isn’t it?   I am a Reformed Pastor so I am really supposed to believe that God is sovereign and works all things for our good… That’s in our doctrine. But I really didn’t and my attitude showed it. I might actually be sicker than John is.

Fortunately the Spirit doesn’t let our guilt add up either… The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord brings good news for a poor, faithless and sick sinner like me…  How? In Jesus, the anointed servant, the bread of heaven who came to heal the sick; to heal me and John from all our diseases.  You see, Jesus doesn’t act the way I do…

So what does Jesus do and how did He act that day? Well, He waited patiently with me for my medicine; medicine I needed to get that I hadn’t received yet that day. Medicine He chose to purchase for me with his own blood that slowly drained from his body as He hung on the cross. The Medicine of Heaven – an eternal remedy that is healing me forever… The Good News that God is healing and will heal us from all our diseases, inside and out. He will redeem us, even at an infinite cost to Himself. This is medicine for life.  Jesus waits with me everyday, patiently enduring my unbelief, and the sickness of my sin,  lovingly waiting for me to truly get “it” and believe the covenant promises of God’s redeeming love. Heaven’s remedy allows me to TRULY LIVE and abide in the will of God, and Jesus is the way I can get it.  There’s no way I can manufacture my own remedy to heal my unbelieving heart, I need the pharmacy of heaven to give me it’s manna everyday, and Jesus has bought an eternal health plan for me through His atoning sacrifice… The best news is that it’s free.

The problem is that I try so many false medications to deal with my sickness. My schedule and my religion are a few of the many…  If I could just be more organized, busy, efficient or if I could just do more for God- preach a better sermon or pray more… then I can be healed, Newark can be changed, and this world will be redeemed…  No, my false medications continue to fail on every level. Yet especially in my failure and “seizures” the love of God has a chance to seize my heart afresh and reminds me of what really matters.

Jesus is always amongst the poor and needy. I got to commune with my Savior as I stood there waiting with my blood-bought brother John, both of us poor and in need of mercy. I felt repentance wash through me. I felt fresh joy and faith in God flood my soul.  As we stood there waiting, talking and laughing, that pharmacy became a sanctuary. We worshipped our God together; each of us thankful in different ways for how our Father in heaven was providing the medicine we needed.

Sabbatical…..  yes this is true.  Our board and various other leaders in my life have decided to send us on a 6 week sabbatical to write, rest, reconnect as a family and seek fresh vision and direction from the LORD.  We will be in Virginia for two weeks with Kimberly’s father and then go up to Cape Cod Massachusetts for the remaining month.  Kimberly’s extended family lives there and has been gracious to let us stay in one of their cottages on the beach during this off season when people don’t usually rent.  I will be focusing a lot on reading, study,  and writing a book about incarnational ministry that I have been working on here and there but have not had a chance to focus on and finish.  I also brought my musical gear and will have time to write and record some songs, another thing that really helps me connect to my Creator.  My phone will be off till November 14th, but I will be checking email, and facebook every few days or so.  I will not answer ministry related stuff unless it is urgent.  Please direct any ministry related things to Pastor Walter Howard.  His cell is 973-932-7098  and his email is poppahoward@gmail.com.  It is hard for me to leave at this time, but after 6 years of ministry and a tired out spirit that has dealt with this sickness, I am accepting this assignment with joy and looking forward to what God will harvest from our lives through this.

I don’t always understand why things happen the way they do and why God has allowed me to go through what I have been through these last 2 months. I might never fully get it this side of eternal glory…  I do want to share with you dear friends some of the things I am starting to understand…

Sometimes God has us on our backs for a reason.  For those of you who haven’t heard,  I was infected with MRSA on my nose at the beginning of August and we have been battling this life threatening and extremely painful infection ever since.  After nearly two months of struggle, 4 emergency room visits, 8 different antibiotics, a PIC line going to my heart, being admitted to the hospital twice and lots of pain it seems that God has seen it fit to bring me through this season of suffering.  My infectious disease doctor believed I needed to have a final surgery to remove a remaining lump in the tissue of my nose. She believed it still had the MRSA infection in it and that the antibiotics didn’t seem to heal it fully.  I waited two weeks and saw an ear nose and throat specialist yesterday and he said the lump was nearly gone and seems to be healing.  He saw no need now to cut it out. I am very thankful that I won’t be getting a Micahel Jackscon nose anytime soon, and despite some slight scarring from the infection, my wife still likes to look at me (or she is just really good at keeping her wedding vows….you know,  the part about in sickness and in health) I am still feeling tired and dealing with some of the side affects of the numerous and intense drugs I was on but I feel good in Spirit and excited about the next steps of this journey.  It has been a hard two months and we have felt many attacks.  I broke up a fight right before I got sick and few days later our Mini-van was vandalized.  All the oil had been purposely drained from it and when we drove it the whole engine seized within a minute and we had to get a new one put in. A nice 3 week long ordeal…  last month my beautiful two year old daughter Trinity did a not-so-cute thing and pulled my laptop off my desk and broke it.  (it still kinda works)  Fortunately for us,  we have insurance all three of these expensive disasters, but the co-pays, deductibles and co-insurance payments have hit us really hard financially.  I don’t write of these hardships to complain but rather to rejoice… Yes, somewhere in the depths of this sinful self-centered soul of mine, God has brought great joy and deeper levels of faith and repentance in my life through this suffering and these experiences…  if you want to keep reading I’ll explain some of things God has been teaching me through this whole thing.  I know once I get going I tend to write a lot so if you don’t want to read some of my journal entries and thoughts that is fine, though I pray that you would and be encouraged and drawn closer to Jesus through what he has taught me.  If you are not so inclined please do skip down to the end and at least read about the ministry and what is happening and how you can pray/help.

A Lamentation of Joy.

The great Scottish Pastor Robert Murray McCheyne of the 1800s spent a chunk of his thriving ministry on his back deathly sick. He ended up going to be with the LORD at age 29.  He writes about how God saw it fit to grow his ministry in Dundee Scotland while he was out of the picture. All he could do was pray and connect with God.   During that time, God grew his ministry more than when he was preaching…  I have felt that way these last two months.  Despite me being out of the picture great things have happened in Newark that I couldn’t even imagine.  The community is changing and the people are growing together in faith. People are stepping up and leading unlike I have ever seen before. It is an awesome thing to witness and I praise God for this.

I have also begun a new season of seeking to be more intimate with the Lord than ever before.  It is interesting how a person can do “church work” and be far from the heart of God.  I see that tendency in myself.  So quickly I focus on the ministry of God instead of just “being” with Him and seeking Him for the sake of seeking Him.  I have to confess, these last few years have been dry ones for my own personal study, prayer life, and personal time with God. I’ll study and pray like my job depended on it, since it does, but just enough so I can do my work and feel successful and appear holy to the people that look up to me. I have taken seminary classes, preached over 100 sermons, led Bible studies and shared the Gospel with my community, yet fallen short in the most important area of deep personal devotion with my God and deep personal prayer for others.  I struggle so much within the business of this ministry to take the time to be with my First Love and really sit at His feet, learn His ways and rejoice in His promises.  I have gotten so self absorbed and focused on “ministry,” so enamored and confident in myself and my ability to minister the Gospel, that I have barely prayed the way I should for my flock.  The last few years, my personal devotions have become a habitual fast food dining experience.  Instead of sitting down daily to the feast that God has laid out before me in His Word, and taking my time to read and meditate on it,  I go through the drive-through and eat while I am on the move…  It may make me feel full and give me some spiritual nutrients to get through the day, but in the end in leaves me spiritually lazy, a bit indigested, and not nearly equipped to handle life in a way that will honor God and bring joy to my neighbor.  It’s kind of like that movie “Super Size me.” The guy making the documentary on fast food eats only McDonald’s for along period of time and nearly dies.  Putting ministry before my own spiritual health has cost me these last few years I am afraid…  I find my heart so quickly getting bitter and judgmental …  I find my joy fluctuating based on circumstance and I tend to overwork in order to compensate.   Instead of slowing down and focusing on what really matters, I tend to speed up and take on more than I can handle to try and justify the way I am feeling and counteract the bitterness of ministry with more activity.

During my leisure time and Sabbath, I have formed very unhealthy habits of going to media and entertainment to find my rest and relaxation instead of Christ…  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think movies or TV are bad (I do enjoy Hulu), but when that is where I find myself naturally going to try and rest, there is a problem.  I really saw this the first week of being sick.  My heart got so bitter and as I lay there in bed away from my ministry (eventually in the hospital), I didn’t even want to read the Word, pray or even talk to people about God.  All I did was watch movies, sleep, and complain.  My heart became so hard and I can’t believe some of the doubts and thoughts that went through my brain.  I wanted to give up, just walk away from everything and not care anymore.

After being admitted  to the hospital and finding out I had a potentially life threatening infection my heart became a little bit stirred.  My grandfather came to visit me and brought with him the grace-filled message of the Gospel that he so consistently bears. He reminded me of the Good News in his tender yet firm way.  He also called my heart to repentance and would not let his grandson make excuses for anything.  How I needed that correction, that realigning of my heart, that complaining, self-absorbed spirit silenced by a grandfather’s tender and firm hand.

As my wife and kids came to see me I couldn’t help but cry.  I looked at my son and realized how badly I wanted him to know Jesus and how badly I wanted to see him grow up.  I realized lots of things. I wanted to be a better father. I had been such a bad example to him.  How often he saw his daddy come home from a hard day of work and crash into the arms of his lap-top, putting on his headphones and shutting himself away from his family.  Instead of seeing a father excited and filled with the Spirit of God, he was witnessing a burnt out pastor addicted to movies. That’s not the dad I want to be… That is not the dad I am going to be by God’s grace.

My body needed this physical sickness to help heal the spiritual disease of my heart, and God knew that.  I didn’t understand why He would shut me down right at the end of such an awesome summer of ministry.  Why would God lay me aside and allow such a random disease to afflict me and stop me in my tracks?…. Doesn’t He need me to save the world?…. or at least Newark?…  Doesn’t He owe me good health and a happy life for all the ways I serve Him day in and day out?…  No…. he doesn’t….   He wants my heart to love Him and know Him.  He doesn’t want my works…. he doesn’t want anything but me…  God wants me completely…. He wants me to be in His presence, to delight in Him above all else; to find eternal joy in Him and the love that He has for me as displayed in Christ’s sacrifice.  He is willing to do anything to bring me to him, even die in my place and take on my eternal infection of sin that would otherwise lead to my eternal death and ruin. The Cross has shown me this love, it has shown US this love. “By His wounds” we are indeed healed.   Yes, He loves me, and he has used MRSA to teach my doubting heart afresh of such love.  I am so excited about this new season and the great feast for my soul I am finding in God’s Word.  In God’s Word I am seeing and tasting that their is indeed a never ending spring of water that quenches my thirst; and I must drink from it daily.  McCheyne’s life spoke to me again as He write this in His journal:

“Somewhat overcome,. Let me see. There is a creeping defect here.  Humble purpose like reading of the WORD omitted. What plant can be unwatered and not wither.”

So true… How can I go so long without allowing the roots of my heart  to drink in the Water of the Word.  No wonder the weeds of this present world get in and begin to choke out my joy?  How can I have joy in the promises of God if I forget them so quickly? I am so naturally prone to not immerse myself in the ever powerful Word of God.  His Word alone has the power to trigger the hopeless  sinner’s  memory to authentically “forget not all His benefits,” to rejoice in the “mercies that are new every morning,” and that in view of such mercy to truly become a “living sacrifice holy and pleasing to God.” It is so easy for me to watch a two hour movie and entertain myself with such stories, yet so hard for me to meditate on the story of redemption for half that time and find my life satisfied there alone.

Why is it so hard to sit and be still before the Lord and allow his Word to speak to me?  I think the enemy of our souls would seek to truly undo me by cutting off my letters from home…  he will do anything he can to keep my heart from longing for home and the love found in the arms of the Father.  The best way he can do that is by keeping me out of the Word.  If he can get me to skim my bible like I did my college textbooks, just to get enough info to pass the next test, then he has succeed in keeping my heart from hearing from the Father…  The humble purpose like reading of the WORD is indeed our lifeline…  I am committing afresh to drink from such a fountain and I encourage all who are reading and have a walk with God to do the same.  Dr. Tim Keller encouraged me to stop reading God’s Word as an instruction manual that tells me what to do and how to live, but rather read it as a love story that points me to Jesus, the one who really lived and in whom all things have their being.  The more I fall in love with God’s story of redemption and the hero of the story, the more my heart will be inclined to join my Maker in becoming a part of this redemption story as it unfolds through time.

Not being in the Word makes me forget the story and paves a highway for selfish sin to travel quickly to my heart.  A heart overgrown and flourishing with the WORD of God leaves no path for sin to travel to the inner man and corrupt him.

In terms of prayer, God has used me more on my back in bed than on the field.  What great times of prayer he has given me these last few weeks. Prayer with my wife, and deep personal prayer times I have rarely known.  I felt his presence and enjoyed crying out to Him for my community and our world.  I want to see the discipline of prayer for others increase in my life.  God has used this sickness to help me learn to take my eyes off myself and focus on Him and the needs of others…

I know this has been long and probably repetitive, but this is where my heart is and what God has used this sickness to accomplish. I praise Him for this and hope that my struggle would encourage you to “Seek First the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.”

What’s next?

Sabbatical…..  yes this is true.  Our board and various other leaders in my life have decided to send us on a 6 week sabbatical to write, rest, reconnect as a family and seek fresh vision and direction from the LORD.  We will be in Virginia for two weeks with Kimberly’s father and then go up to Cape Cod Massachusetts for the remaining month.  Kimberly’s extended family lives there and has been gracious to let us stay in one of their cottages on the beach during this off season when people don’t usually rent.  I will be focusing a lot on reading, study,  and writing a book about incarnational ministry that I have been working on here and there but have not had a chance to focus on and finish.  I also brought my musical gear and will have time to write and record some songs, another thing that really helps me connect to my Creator.  My phone will be off till November 14th, but I will be checking email, and facebook every few days or so.  I will not answer ministry related stuff unless it is urgent.  Please direct any ministry related things to Pastor Walter Howard.  His cell is 973-932-7098  and his email is poppahoward@gmail.com.  It is hard for me to leave at this time, but after 6 years of ministry and a tired out spirit that has dealt with this sickness, I am accepting this assignment with joy and looking forward to what God will harvest from our lives through this.

The Report

God has raised up my staff and people from the community to lead the charge in reaching our community for His glory.  Things have grown and as we enter into the Fall we are looking at some amazing things happening.

Here is our Main Fall program and details of what it is all about.  I also attached a sheet that details all of Trinity/Safe Haven’s ministries and volunteer opportunities.  If you are in the area and want to be a part of that, please do contact the appropriate person and come and serve.

S.H.A.C. (Safe Haven After Class) - Our afterschool program for K-5th graders.  60 kids come together each day from 3:00-6:00 for a healthy snack, tutoring, homework help, spiritual instruction/development, social development, music, art, computer and dance lessons.  The program also employs 15  teens from the community to work with the kids as junior counselors.  This is a job development program changing kids lives.  Teens that otherwise might be hustling drugs and running the streets now become positive forces in society who are learning how to work and are also developing a relationship with God.  We are very excited about what God is doing. Asa Jackson is our new program director and is doing an awesome job leading this program. This is unlike anything else we have seen in Newark.  We have partnered with Against All Odds Foundation to provide excellent tutoring with qualified teachers who work with kids on a 1 on 5 ratio to help them catch up in reading and math.  AAO is hiring as well and if you have a college degree and want to tutor at-risk kids they will train you and pay $50/hour to tutor kids from our community.  Pretty sweet deal.

Here is a list of our Safe Haven staff team. Please pray for them as they reach our community. Please pray for lots of protection while I am gone and can’t lead things.  It is hard to leave but I am confident this is what God wants at this time of my life and I am also confident in my team and what God is doing in them and through them.

Asa Jackson – Program Director of Safe Haven After Class (S.H.A.C)/Guy’s bible study leader.

Josh Halinen – Program Coordinator of Safe Haven After Class (S.H.A.C)

Kortlyn Shoemaker – Art director and teen girl’s Bible study leader and Sunday School teacher

Jonathan Rudd – Youth Center Director and Studio Engineer, Bible study leader, Music ministry

Jamie Waters – Intern and Group Leader for Safe Haven After Class (S.H.A.C). He will also be working on our website and sponsorship pages.

Nelda Cerynik – Executive administrative assistant

Kathy Pedro – S.H.A.C administrator

Please also pray for the 15 youth staff working for us this year.  Our website should have profiles of them up soon.

Here is Our Trinity Staff Team (Paid and Volunteer). Please pray for them as well.

Pastor Walter Howard – Senior Pastor, Adult Ministry.

Keisha Williams – Secretary

Michael  Mitchel – Custodian

Adam Culp – Worship leader

Jerry and Valerie DeVos – Men and Women Ministries

Suzanne Lyon – Prayer Ministry

Willie Cheatham – Feeding ministry

Niki Hernez and Lilly Brown – Food Pantry

Needs

As you can imagine and as always we have huge needs.  God seems to keep providing and I praise God for all of the supporters (you) that he has raised up to pray and give toward the redemption of Newark.  Thank you so much for all you have done to support us thus far.   To our monthly supporters who have stayed with us during this hard financial season, thank you for your faithful giving.  Those that had to leave our support team, we understand and thank you for everything you have given into this ministry. We know you all are praying and we see the fruit of your support in everything that is happening.  May God continue to bless you greatly as you bless the poor here in Newark.

Our biggest need right now is funding for our after school program.

It costs close to $7,000 a month to operate SHAC and it has been really hard to raise funds these days. God is growing our ministry and outreach. We are reaching more kids and people than ever before but are also facing some big struggles.   Here is an easy way people can help.

$1 a day.  I am praying for God to raise up 100 people from this email to sacrifice a coke or a candy bar or any junk food and give a buck to help our kids and teens have a healthy snack each day and 2 healthy dinners each week.  Most of our kids eat junk all day and besides what they get at school don’t receive healthy balanced meals.  We are trying to change that.  Kids with healthy diets focus better, miss less days of school and will live longer to serve God and their community.

Please pray about going to our website and setting up a monthly recurring donation of $30/month. You will help make Newark kids healthier and you might get healthier too.  When you crave that junk food, think and pray for our kids here in Newark…  I am doing this myself and it has been hard detoxing myself from all the junk food I am used to eating, but has been so good for my soul and body.  I don’t know why I have paid people for so long to make things that are so unhealthy for all of us and why I have not worked on this more in my own life.  Sacrificing in my junk food budget not only has helped me become healthier and strengthened my immune system, it has also freed up money to give to help others.  If you don’t feel called to serve Safe Haven in this way with the money you save on junk food, please consider sponsoring a child through World Vision or Compassion International.  Our Safe Haven kids do this as well and sponsor a kid in Togo Africa and numerous orphans in Haiti.  It is so cool to see them learn to sacrifice for the sake of others.

As always,  it does my heart well to write to you.  I hope this email encourages you to live radically for the God who loves you radically.  I am encouraged and strengthened by your prayers and look forward to hearing from you (after sabbatical).  May God bless you and keep you and cause His face to shine upon you and give you His peace.

Ministry Site.  www.newarksafehaven.com

Family Website.  fromscarlet.com